timing, again

Made it to the due date! And still feeling like I’ll go late. I know it's just a feeling, but it's a strong one! (Watch me post this and go into labor tonight...!)

Stressed? A little bit. It’s hard not knowing when. Trying to trust God? A lot. His timing is perfect.

Revisiting thoughts about inducing... Mostly, I’ve been opposed to it. If I must for medical reasons, that’s ok, but planning it on my own hasn’t appealed to me. I think this is partly because people around me seem to be opposed to inducing, and I’ve been influenced by their opinions. And it’s quite alright if you’re against it, I’m just questioning if it’s right for me.

The reason?

I recently discovered that Nathan’s work schedule makes inducing more than a little enticing. A scheduled birth would at least ensure he would be there. With his current job duties, there’s no guarantee he’d make it home or to the hospital in time if he’s at work when labor begins. It stresses us both out a little. Ok, a lot.

Which brings me back to trusting God. I need to remember I can trust Him. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart” (Proverbs 3:5). “Trust in the Lord forever” (Isaiah 26:4). The baby will come in His time, whether I am induced or not.

timing

I’m hoping baby won’t come for at least four more days.

But I wouldn’t complain too much if labor started tonight…

I kind of want to make it past Leap Day and my birthday before baby day. Having the baby on either day doesn’t appeal to me. I guess I want baby to have his or her own day. Or I selfishly want my own birthday? Mom thing? Me thing? Something...

I’m so uncomfortable. Heartburn with every meal. Pulled muscles. Swelling. Stuffed up. Baby seems to like pushing on my bladder. Sitting…standing…moving…it all bothers me. 

Today, the doctor asked me if I would be interested in being induced next week if the baby didn’t arrive by the end of this week. I hadn’t expected that question. The nurses who taught the baby classes we took insisted that we absolutely would not be induced prior to the due date, barring any serious problems. With that in mind, I responded without giving it too much thought- “I was kind of planning on waiting till my due date.” My doctor was fine with that.

Then I got home and told Nathan and he seemed rather concerned that I hadn’t considered inducing early. That made me think that I probably appear to be more miserable than I realize. And, yes, as a matter of fact, Nathan does think I’m pretty miserable! 

So… I guess if I make it to next week’s appointment, I’ll question the doctor more closely about being induced. 

All, ultimately, is in God’s timing. In the meantime, I’m hauling myself off to bed. At least I can’t complain about discomfort when I sleep!

names, or what I didn't know

Names were hard. They still ARE hard. We simply didn’t (and still can't quite) agree. I really didn't know a name could be so difficult.

My favorite boy name? It just happens to be the same name of the kid who bullied my husband as a young child. I’d love to go find this guy and punch him in the face. Ok, so I’d never be that drastic, but it was extremely disappointing to find out someone ruined my long-time favorite name by being a mean kid.

His favorite boy name? It didn’t drag up any bad memories from my past, but I simply didn’t like it.  Unfortunately for him, I’d never consider giving my child such a name.

Moving on to girls…

I love, love, love my favorite girl name. He, however, put his foot down. He said if he didn’t know how to spell it upon hearing it, he couldn’t live with it. I tried to bring him around to it, but to no avail. *SIGH*

His favorite girl name was actually ok. BUT…I know many wonderful ladies who have the same name. I would feel weird giving the baby a name that belongs to more than one of my friends. I just can’t do it!

We both made lists of names we like (or can at least tolerate). One boy name matched. He’s totally cool with it, and I like it, but I don’t love the nickname that comes with it. It would take me a while to get over that part. In fact, I’d rather no one ever use the nickname. That would be best, but it’s probably not realistic to hope for it.

The girl, on the other hand, is a name I’m totally cool with, but he can just tolerate it. I couldn’t wrap my mind around any of his other girl names, but he figured he could put up with this one that I chose.

So, we have our two names. We’re keeping them secret. Everyone will find out on birth day, which is coming soon (about 4 weeks!!). I’m sure baby will quickly become his or her name and we’ll be fine. But, man…what a process!

oh, day care

In May of last year, I landed the best job ever. I actually look forward to going to work most days. This has never been the case before. In June of last year, I suspected I was pregnant. A trip to the doctor resulted in a negative test. It was both a let-down and a relief. A new job and a new baby? Maybe not the best combination. By July, I figured I was pregnant or something was wrong. Pregnant, as it turned out.

And now, as we head down the road to parenthood, we also head down the road to day care. I never went to day care myself; my mom stayed at home and I always wanted to do the same. Nathan, on the other hand, grew up going to several day cares and sitters. When I hear about how often they had to find a new place or person to watch him and his brother, I think, “Nightmare! I don’t want to be doing that for the next 10 to 12 years! I want to raise my own children!”

However.

I have to realize that Nathan and his brother (and parents) survived the day care ordeal. I’ve also had to realize that I don’t really want to give up my job if I don’t have to give it up. So, I’ve been looking into day cares.

Day Care Number 1 was a bright, shining example of, well, day care. The staff was friendly and super knowledgeable, it was clean and open, the programs for different age groups were stimulating and wonderful, and I loved it. Unfortunately, you pay quite a bit for that kind of greatness.

Day Care Number 2 paled in comparison. I arrived to a director who seemed surprised to see me, even though I’d made an appointment. I wasn’t introduced to anyone (including the director!). Infant care was explained and seemed adequate, but that was it…Number 1 gave me an overview of every age group and Number 2 did not. Everything appeared to be clean, but it didn’t have the bright openness of Number 1. But (and a big but) it’s affordable. Sigh.

I called Day Care Number 3, only to find out that there are no openings. The lady I spoke with said I sounded “really young.” I wasn’t sure what to say to that, so I just kind of laughed. Guess that’s out.

I’ve been unable to find other day cares for babies in the area we live in, so we’re most likely to choose Number 2. We’re trying to stay away from private care because we’re not really going to have anyone to rely on if a private home care person gets sick or takes a vacation. And it doesn’t help that we know several people with babies who had negative private care experiences.

It’s just not what I imagined for myself as a mother. I never seriously considered being a working mother until I saw the positive pregnancy test. The kicker is that I only work part time. I won't even be away from the kid for 40 hours a week! But I had really, truly never given much thought to being a working mom. So this has been a lot about trying to change my perspective.

blessed

So…

There’s not going to be a new house. We’d done quite a bit of research and thought we had a decent idea of what the price would be. Yeah…we were wrong.

We now have to work on a serious home reorganization plan. I meant it when I said there’s very little room for baby. I may never get the nursery of my dreams now. Sigh…and you only get to have a nursery for such a short time. It kind of sucks.

However.

As previously mentioned, we are not lacking in material items. We have what is necessary (and probably more) to raise a child in a little house. I’ve been thinking of Costa Rica, when I spent about three months living with a host family of four in a home smaller than ours. They hosted students regularly, which usually made them a family of five. My host mama successfully raised two boys in that house, not to mention often taking care of an extra “son” or “daughter.” Neighbors with similar homes and more kids were doing quite well, too. And they had much less in the form of material items. I don’t think that they were always completely content with what they had, but they lived well all the same.

There will (God willing) be a new home one day. We still want to build; it’s just going to take longer than we had hoped.

a little room

We’re not going to have a nursery.

I (so far!) haven’t minded the repeated questions about being pregnant.

When are you due? What are you having? Are you excited? Is this the first grandchild?

But the nursery questions are getting hard…

Do you have the nursery ready? What are your colors? What’s the theme?

We don’t have a nursery. We don’t have colors. There is no room for a theme. There is literally no room. We can’t even put the crib together right now…because there’s no room! I feel like a bad parent every time I have to explain this. I wish we could be painting a bedroom and putting a crib together and buying fun baby décor. We’ll have to do some serious reorganizing to make room for a crib soon, but that’s about it.

We’re going to move. We hope, anyway; we’ve been looking into it for a while now. There will be an entire bedroom for baby sometime in the next eight to ten months, God willing.

This isn’t a serious problem. And people who ask me about the nursery are only asking a typical new baby question, so I can’t fault that. It just makes me feel inadequate every time I have to explain that we’re not preparing a baby room and won’t be able to for several months. Maybe it’s a new mom thing.

Good news - we have a nice house. We have an opportunity to move into a bigger house. We can get by without a bedroom. God is more than taking care of our material needs. AND I don’t have gestational diabetes! Failed the first test, but passed the second. :) I just need to remember these things every time I get a nursery question.