the persistence of homesickness

Every morning, I wake up and think first of home. I think about what I would be doing today and who I would see. The people, the house, the buildings, the roads, all of it, is so deeply ingrained. Whenever I need to go somewhere here, I think almost dually of how I would get to the equivalent place if I were home. I am amazingly homesick. Yes, I am quite sure it is ridiculous to some degree, but it persists.

I am trying. I'm getting involved here, trying to "get out there," and it helps. But I still miss home daily, sometimes desperately. It is, again, probably ridiculous to view one city as "home." I can grasp that there is more to the concept of "home" than that.

We don't know the future. We thought we did, but it was knocked out from under us, and now our future is even more uncertain than it was then. I suppose that's the big lesson in all of this.

Please know that I'm not trying to make people feel bad for me. I'm not looking for sympathy. I've heard all the advice and it's appreciated. I'm just processing, and blogging helps.