always a bride?

Ok, is this weird?

I’ve been a bride. It was wonderful. We had a lovely, amazing wedding.

But, I’ve always wanted to be a bridesmaid.

Isn’t it supposed to be, “always a bridesmaid, never a bride?”

I remember a conversation in college when my friends were describing their dream weddings. Someone asked me what my dream wedding was…and I did not have an answer. I didn’t have a dream wedding. I had never considered colors and dresses and meals and locations. I did want to be married eventually. I had a vague idea about a great man and a church and a white dress, but that was about it.

Maybe it was because I didn’t have my wedding half planned in my imagination, or maybe it was because I’m not big on being the center of attention (because brides really can get a lot of attention)…but I wanted to be a bridesmaid more than a bride. Have someone decide the colors for me, be in a position of supporting the couple, wear a pretty dress. Still be in the thick of things (because I like to be involved!) yet not be in the spotlight.

My day as a bride (and my husband’s day as a groom) was an experience I would not trade for anything. And I had the BEST bridesmaids! But I still have this dream of being a bridesmaid. Maybe one day. Or maybe I'm just weird!

moving along

Finally, finally, the sickness is over.

Except for the random waves of nausea that I tend to get on occasion. And that really early mornings (5 AM on Mondays, yay!) still feel a bit rough on my stomach. Other than that, it’s SO much better.

Now, if only I could sleep through the night instead of being up three to five times…joy of motherhood, I guess. :)

I’m trying to get back into exercise now that I’m feeling better. Four months of doing nothing resulted in sore arms after five minutes of holding car seats and trying to lift travel system strollers on display at the stores. We finally opted for the snap and go variety of stroller because I had a heck of a time trying to get a travel system off the ground. And I’ll be lifting these things in and out of cars…yikes.

I still don’t like exercise. I’d rather be lazy…but I know I can do it; I’ve made myself do it in the past. The motivation to be able to carry a child around without feeling like my arms will drop off after five minutes will help. I hope!

the good things

What do I like about pregnancy?

I like that baby is moving and I can finally feel it. It’s subtle and doesn’t happen a lot yet, but there’s nothing quite like feeling those little movements. I also imagine it’s the only time I’ll like being kicked by my child, so I should enjoy it!

I love that baby is healthy so far. The last ultrasound was a little scary because I found out that I was at risk (a SMALL risk) for having a child with Down Syndrome. I opted to take the test that assesses risk for such things. You choose to take it; people often react with surprise when I tell them I had a test (“Do they test everyone for that??”)…you can choose to skip it altogether.

It was so small, I was surprised that my doctor even suggested I have further testing (in-depth ultrasound with a specialist), but she did and I had it. Although we were told that the ultrasound is not always accurate, it was very positive…good blood flow, a heart and stomach functioning as they should, a healthy spine, and no physical evidence of Down Syndrome. The specialist said I could have yet another test that IS always accurate, but it carries a risk of miscarriage and I’m happy enough with the first.

The biggest thing that this pregnancy has reinforced is that I’m not in control. I can do my best to be healthy, but I can in no way guarantee a healthy baby. That is completely in God’s hands and it seems that all of the Bible study I’ve done and teaching I’ve heard lately have somehow reiterated that idea. My small group is studying Ecclesiastes and the latest verse to stick is 3:14. “I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.” He’s in control. Not me.

argh, typos!

"Where you planning to get pregnant?" Seriously...I can spell "were." And to notice it a month after the fact. Typos annoy me.

I did change it. In case you look.

And now, for my pregnancy whine. I kind of thought I would love being pregnant. I was very excited. I suppose I should say that I AM very excited, and I do love it...to an extent. I don't love the way I feel. I still feel sick every morning, even if I should be thankful that I'm not throwing up any more. I don't love my appetite. There are so many foods that don't appeal to me that I usually enjoy. Chocolate. Ugh. Pizza. Barf. Mexican. Gross. Caffeine. Thank goodness I'm not a coffee addict. Yes, those are largely unhealthy, but then there are vegetables...puke. As for my skin...suffice it to say that I do not have the "pregnancy glow."

I don't love my energy levels. I had plans to exercise through this pregnancy, but I feel sick every time I expend the energy it takes to have a decent work out. Even prenatal yoga is hard. I stopped trying. I worry I won't have the energy to keep up with a baby. At the same time, I know I will...after all, not every mother I know is in prime physical condition and they seem to handle it well enough.

I am aware that I am very blessed. Baby has been healthy thus far and I'm keeping my food down. I know people who've had very difficult pregnancies. I also know women who loved being pregnant and felt amazing throughout. I guess my experience is my own personal reality check.

I hope this is typo-free...

there's a baby in there

We just made the big announcement! Fourteen weeks along and due in March. Pregnancy has thus far treated me with morning sickness, tiredness, nausea, and a rotten appetite. I feel like a hermit because I go to work and I go home and that's about all I do anymore. At 14 weeks, I'm hoping I come out of it soon and have the "easy" second trimester I've heard so much about.

All of the ickiness aside, we're very excited! It has been interesting to hear all of the repeated questions from friends and family. They seem to come like this:

"How do you feel?"
See above

"Are you going to find out what you're having?"
We don't know yet. Husband wants to know and I don't. Haha.

"Do you have a baby room started?"
Um...hardly. In fact, baby will probably not have a room; rather, he or she will have a space. Our little house isn't big enough to justify an entire room, a fact that will eventually need to remedied by moving to a larger house, which may happen next year.

"Were you planning to get pregnant?"
Oh, yes. :)

"Will you keep your job after the baby is born?"
I have mixed feelings about that, but I currently plan to keep it.

Lots of changes coming our way!

some catch up

Sometimes, I forget I have a blog.

The anniversary was fabulous and nearly gift-free. I got flowers and chocolates and he got...just a card. He knew that there was nothing he wanted within our budgetary means, so it worked out. But we had a fun weekend away at a bed and breakfast in Shipshewana.

The 4-Hour Body diet came to a screeching halt. After about two months, we decided it wasn't working. We probably weren't strict enough, as it followed SUPER strict guidelines. My husband decided to go back to the diet that worked for him last time he lost weight (light portions, and much more variety than the 4-Hour Body allowed) and I decided not to diet. But I do make an effort to eat better than I did before.

On that note, I need to figure out a tasty way to eat vegetables. I have never been a veggie lover. My mother-in-law recently made us some yummy cream of carrot soup, so I've been looking at cream soup recipes. I hear cream soups are not healthy, but homemade isn't looking too bad...they seem to be made primarily of milk and pureed veggies. It may be my next adventure in cooking...

Stay tuned for next time I remember I have a blog!

gifts

Specifically, anniversary gifts. It's really hard to buy an anniversary gift for my husband when:

a) he wants expensive things that necessitate input from him (i.e., the gift couldn't be a surprise)

b) he doesn't want anything other than those things that are expensive

c) I can't come up with any gift ideas for him to get me, expensive or otherwise

I have never been a good giver or buyer of gifts in the form of tangible objects. Sometimes, I'm even a poor receiver of such gifts, although I try really hard not to be that way. That whole "women say they don't want gifts when they really do" thing is not true for me. The only present I really want is the opportunity to spend some time together and maybe a card or note because I do appreciate it when someone takes the time to write me something nice.

My husband, on the other hand, loves to receive gifts in the form of tangible objects on special occasions. He's a pretty understanding guy, but as we near two years (!!!) of marriage, I think I might be in for a bit of trouble!

health(ier)

The cold is over!

The cough is here. Stupid cough. It’s ok if I don’t talk. Work, however = a lot of talking.

Anyway.

The “4-Hour Body-time to eat healthier-or at least try” initiative has been on for about two weeks. Called the Slow Carb Diet, it eliminates anything high in carbs: bread, rice, pasta, junk food, cereal, desserts, etc. It also calls for no dairy (except eggs) and no fruit.

Foods that are allowed consist mainly of meats, veggies, beans, and eggs. Eat a variety of those for meals about four times a day for six days. On day seven, you can eat whatever you want…. The book explains it in great detail, but that’s the very basic gist of it.

Can I do that? Heck, no! I can’t even make time for four meals a day. Instead, I’ve found it to be a good guide to attempt to follow. By that, I mean that I don’t follow it to the letter. I still eat cereal with milk most mornings. I put shredded cheese on my salads. I take granola bars to work for a snack. But overall, I’m eating much better and I’ve found some things that work well.

Hard boiled eggs – good for breakfast and can be prepared ahead of time

Quinoa – didn’t know about this until recently; it’s a grain that cooks and tastes a lot like rice

Black beans – mixed with quinoa cooked in chicken stock, maybe add some cilantro…yum!

Lunch meat – roll it up and eat it without bread, maybe add some chopped veggies for a breadless sandwich

Our first “day seven” consisted of pasta, ice cream, movie theater popcorn, and pizza. Pretty awesome.

darn cold

I was going strong on the exercise. And then I caught a cold.

It's day three of sore throat, stuffy nose, foggy head, no exercise... Ugh. By the time I feel up to working out again, I'll be back to square one.

In other news, Nathan and I are starting a new initiative to eat better. It will be based on The Four Hour Body, a book that describes something called the slow carb diet as a means of eating healthy by eliminating foods high in carbohydrates and consuming lots of meats and veggies.

It involves cooking breakfast. Pretty much the last thing I want to do in the morning is cook. We'll see how it goes...

I may write more about this later, but for now I must go nurse my cold.

disappointment

Today at the library, I learned that my schedule is not as great as I had thought. It does not coincide with Nathan's new summer schedule. I nearly cried. Knowing we were going to have the same days off had been so exciting because it meant three day weekends together every other week. Now, I will never have a three day weekend and he will. I was sad. And mad. And jealous. And I even messed up three check-ins upon discovering my correct schedule (shhh, I fixed them!).

I'm coming to terms with it. It sounds like a silly thing to complain about, but there you go...it was hard to take.

A couple of other updates:
Disney - I survived the walking! I never made it to five miles in my walks of preparation, but the ability to do three or four miles on a weekly basis made a difference. It was a great trip, but we decided our next vacation needs to involve beach towels, swimsuits, and lying around!

Exercise - yeah....so I'll see how my first full week of work goes and then try to make some kind of routine....!

new beginnings

A year ago, after lots of prayer and difficult decision making, I quit my full time job to begin an unpaid internship at the library.

Monday, almost a year to the exact day of quitting my job, I was hired for a part time position at a branch library.

And not just any branch, but the branch I’m most familiar with, that I’ve been patronizing since I was in elementary school, that’s nearest to our home.

God is faithful. The timing allowed me to finish school without working 40 hour weeks at the same time, go to Florida for two weeks to see my grandma before she passed away (and return to attend the funeral), and even take a vacation with Nathan. And my new hours include off days that will coincide with Nathan’s new summer hours. Plus, the rest of the schedule allows me to have a social life. It’s the best work schedule I’ve ever had.

My future has a lot of new unknowns…will I like this job? Will I learn new things quickly? Will it take time? But God will be faithful to see me through, just as He saw me through quitting and interning and job hunting.

Psalm 89:8 “Who is like you, Lord God Almighty? You, Lord, are mighty, and your faithfulness surrounds you.”

On exercise

I don’t like working out. Over the years, I have tried and failed many times in creating and maintaining an exercise routine.

I've tried:

Yoga

Pilates

Recumbent bike

Jillian Michaels video (yikes)

Running

Currently, I am walking. I decided to walk in preparation for an upcoming vacation that will require lots of walking. Also known as Disney World…the not so magical part being the hours spent traversing big sidewalks and standing in long lines. Last time I was there, I was dead on my feet after lunch. I’m hoping to do better this time.

All of my work out attempts have taken place at home. Last year when I tried running, I had some success because it took place outside. Outside, the air is fresh, the scenery changes, and I see other people. The only problem is cold weather, but winter IS over for now...

Walking = same as running, just slower

I’m up to three miles, with a goal of five. Maybe (just maybe) I'll run again after that.