This article about what moms don't say in regards to new motherhood recently appeared on my Facebook feed and I read it with great interest. I found everything on the list to be true to my own experience. From what I remember only two people really spoke to me about the difficulties of becoming a parent. One told me about some serious breast feeding issues she'd faced. With the other, it wasn't even specifics, just some general "it's really hard and I am so tired" comments.
Everyone told me that being a mom would be great and I would love it and, yes, it wouldn't be easy, but I would just love it. I do love my little one and there are great times and I would not give it up. I just wonder if it might have been different if more people had told me about the difficulties of those first months with baby.
I felt like I got hit by a truck after giving birth. I did not love it. I did not like it. I thought something was horribly wrong with me because I was supposed to be loving it. Everyone said I would love it! My poor husband didn't know what to do with my misery because he was supposed to be loving it, too. I kept it from everyone else because it must have been just me; I had to be doing something wrong. And then I couldn't stand it and went to the doctor and she said I had postpartum depression.
I posted a blog about my experience shortly after my PPD diagnosis. Suddenly, all these moms were telling me about how hard having a baby was for them. I was so relieved that it wasn't just me. That was a big aspect of my recovery.
I have wondered ever since why I didn't hear about the difficulties before baby. Maybe that part was just me... I didn't know to look for them or ask about them. But some of the same people who said I'd love it also said it was so, so hard after I told them I was depressed.
I don't judge them because I also wonder if I help perpetuate this problem. I don't readily tell my first-time pregnant friends about my experiences. I wonder if I should, because for me they were pretty bad. I don't want to scare these new moms or make having a baby sound like the first step to depression. I know it's not always that hard for everyone, but it does seem to be hard for many people. I will gladly talk about it if asked, but I really don't know how to bring it up unasked. And maybe that is why only two people told me (unasked!) about the hardships of the early months of parenthood.
