Here We Go Again

We are going to move again. I hate moving. It's right up there with death of a loved one and serious illness. Our first two big moves have been hard, lonely processes. Both of them have also brought beautiful people into our lives. It's so hard leaving them. I've been crying for days. Starting over is the worst. I do realize that it can get better, but that new beginning has (for me, so far) really sucked. 

I fully believed we would live in Tennessee for a long time. I did not, in any way, count on the serious downsides that are ultimately influencing the decision to leave. I made this place home. I can hardly wrap my mind around leaving already. I don't know if I'll be able to consider any place home again. Dramatic? Maybe. Ugh, I hate moving.

Three years ago, I would have welcomed a move back to Indiana with open arms and much excitement. Now, I'm going because it means so much to my husband. (Please know he repeatedly offered to turn the opportunity down for my sake. But marriage is so much give and take and I can't ignore what this means to him).

I know God is in the pain and the process and I (do my best to) trust Him for the bigger picture. I am also learning that He needs to be my place because the physical places have been taken from me far too easily and the loss devastates me every time. 

We believed we were going to raise a family in Ft. Wayne. We almost believed we were going to do it in northern Illinois. We believed for sure it would happen in Knoxville. I've lost hope it'll happen anywhere except the everywhere that the Lord dwells. And that's still hard. Because I want a permanent place and familiar people so much. 

Psalm 18:10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower.

Colossians 2:7 ...so walk in him, rooted and built up in him, established in the faith...

Isaiah 43:19 ...I will make a way in the wilderness and streams in the dessert.

And one that was shared with me recently, Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.