blessed

So…

There’s not going to be a new house. We’d done quite a bit of research and thought we had a decent idea of what the price would be. Yeah…we were wrong.

We now have to work on a serious home reorganization plan. I meant it when I said there’s very little room for baby. I may never get the nursery of my dreams now. Sigh…and you only get to have a nursery for such a short time. It kind of sucks.

However.

As previously mentioned, we are not lacking in material items. We have what is necessary (and probably more) to raise a child in a little house. I’ve been thinking of Costa Rica, when I spent about three months living with a host family of four in a home smaller than ours. They hosted students regularly, which usually made them a family of five. My host mama successfully raised two boys in that house, not to mention often taking care of an extra “son” or “daughter.” Neighbors with similar homes and more kids were doing quite well, too. And they had much less in the form of material items. I don’t think that they were always completely content with what they had, but they lived well all the same.

There will (God willing) be a new home one day. We still want to build; it’s just going to take longer than we had hoped.

a little room

We’re not going to have a nursery.

I (so far!) haven’t minded the repeated questions about being pregnant.

When are you due? What are you having? Are you excited? Is this the first grandchild?

But the nursery questions are getting hard…

Do you have the nursery ready? What are your colors? What’s the theme?

We don’t have a nursery. We don’t have colors. There is no room for a theme. There is literally no room. We can’t even put the crib together right now…because there’s no room! I feel like a bad parent every time I have to explain this. I wish we could be painting a bedroom and putting a crib together and buying fun baby décor. We’ll have to do some serious reorganizing to make room for a crib soon, but that’s about it.

We’re going to move. We hope, anyway; we’ve been looking into it for a while now. There will be an entire bedroom for baby sometime in the next eight to ten months, God willing.

This isn’t a serious problem. And people who ask me about the nursery are only asking a typical new baby question, so I can’t fault that. It just makes me feel inadequate every time I have to explain that we’re not preparing a baby room and won’t be able to for several months. Maybe it’s a new mom thing.

Good news - we have a nice house. We have an opportunity to move into a bigger house. We can get by without a bedroom. God is more than taking care of our material needs. AND I don’t have gestational diabetes! Failed the first test, but passed the second. :) I just need to remember these things every time I get a nursery question.

always a bride?

Ok, is this weird?

I’ve been a bride. It was wonderful. We had a lovely, amazing wedding.

But, I’ve always wanted to be a bridesmaid.

Isn’t it supposed to be, “always a bridesmaid, never a bride?”

I remember a conversation in college when my friends were describing their dream weddings. Someone asked me what my dream wedding was…and I did not have an answer. I didn’t have a dream wedding. I had never considered colors and dresses and meals and locations. I did want to be married eventually. I had a vague idea about a great man and a church and a white dress, but that was about it.

Maybe it was because I didn’t have my wedding half planned in my imagination, or maybe it was because I’m not big on being the center of attention (because brides really can get a lot of attention)…but I wanted to be a bridesmaid more than a bride. Have someone decide the colors for me, be in a position of supporting the couple, wear a pretty dress. Still be in the thick of things (because I like to be involved!) yet not be in the spotlight.

My day as a bride (and my husband’s day as a groom) was an experience I would not trade for anything. And I had the BEST bridesmaids! But I still have this dream of being a bridesmaid. Maybe one day. Or maybe I'm just weird!

moving along

Finally, finally, the sickness is over.

Except for the random waves of nausea that I tend to get on occasion. And that really early mornings (5 AM on Mondays, yay!) still feel a bit rough on my stomach. Other than that, it’s SO much better.

Now, if only I could sleep through the night instead of being up three to five times…joy of motherhood, I guess. :)

I’m trying to get back into exercise now that I’m feeling better. Four months of doing nothing resulted in sore arms after five minutes of holding car seats and trying to lift travel system strollers on display at the stores. We finally opted for the snap and go variety of stroller because I had a heck of a time trying to get a travel system off the ground. And I’ll be lifting these things in and out of cars…yikes.

I still don’t like exercise. I’d rather be lazy…but I know I can do it; I’ve made myself do it in the past. The motivation to be able to carry a child around without feeling like my arms will drop off after five minutes will help. I hope!

the good things

What do I like about pregnancy?

I like that baby is moving and I can finally feel it. It’s subtle and doesn’t happen a lot yet, but there’s nothing quite like feeling those little movements. I also imagine it’s the only time I’ll like being kicked by my child, so I should enjoy it!

I love that baby is healthy so far. The last ultrasound was a little scary because I found out that I was at risk (a SMALL risk) for having a child with Down Syndrome. I opted to take the test that assesses risk for such things. You choose to take it; people often react with surprise when I tell them I had a test (“Do they test everyone for that??”)…you can choose to skip it altogether.

It was so small, I was surprised that my doctor even suggested I have further testing (in-depth ultrasound with a specialist), but she did and I had it. Although we were told that the ultrasound is not always accurate, it was very positive…good blood flow, a heart and stomach functioning as they should, a healthy spine, and no physical evidence of Down Syndrome. The specialist said I could have yet another test that IS always accurate, but it carries a risk of miscarriage and I’m happy enough with the first.

The biggest thing that this pregnancy has reinforced is that I’m not in control. I can do my best to be healthy, but I can in no way guarantee a healthy baby. That is completely in God’s hands and it seems that all of the Bible study I’ve done and teaching I’ve heard lately have somehow reiterated that idea. My small group is studying Ecclesiastes and the latest verse to stick is 3:14. “I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.” He’s in control. Not me.

argh, typos!

"Where you planning to get pregnant?" Seriously...I can spell "were." And to notice it a month after the fact. Typos annoy me.

I did change it. In case you look.

And now, for my pregnancy whine. I kind of thought I would love being pregnant. I was very excited. I suppose I should say that I AM very excited, and I do love it...to an extent. I don't love the way I feel. I still feel sick every morning, even if I should be thankful that I'm not throwing up any more. I don't love my appetite. There are so many foods that don't appeal to me that I usually enjoy. Chocolate. Ugh. Pizza. Barf. Mexican. Gross. Caffeine. Thank goodness I'm not a coffee addict. Yes, those are largely unhealthy, but then there are vegetables...puke. As for my skin...suffice it to say that I do not have the "pregnancy glow."

I don't love my energy levels. I had plans to exercise through this pregnancy, but I feel sick every time I expend the energy it takes to have a decent work out. Even prenatal yoga is hard. I stopped trying. I worry I won't have the energy to keep up with a baby. At the same time, I know I will...after all, not every mother I know is in prime physical condition and they seem to handle it well enough.

I am aware that I am very blessed. Baby has been healthy thus far and I'm keeping my food down. I know people who've had very difficult pregnancies. I also know women who loved being pregnant and felt amazing throughout. I guess my experience is my own personal reality check.

I hope this is typo-free...

there's a baby in there

We just made the big announcement! Fourteen weeks along and due in March. Pregnancy has thus far treated me with morning sickness, tiredness, nausea, and a rotten appetite. I feel like a hermit because I go to work and I go home and that's about all I do anymore. At 14 weeks, I'm hoping I come out of it soon and have the "easy" second trimester I've heard so much about.

All of the ickiness aside, we're very excited! It has been interesting to hear all of the repeated questions from friends and family. They seem to come like this:

"How do you feel?"
See above

"Are you going to find out what you're having?"
We don't know yet. Husband wants to know and I don't. Haha.

"Do you have a baby room started?"
Um...hardly. In fact, baby will probably not have a room; rather, he or she will have a space. Our little house isn't big enough to justify an entire room, a fact that will eventually need to remedied by moving to a larger house, which may happen next year.

"Were you planning to get pregnant?"
Oh, yes. :)

"Will you keep your job after the baby is born?"
I have mixed feelings about that, but I currently plan to keep it.

Lots of changes coming our way!